I will never forget Christmas morning my senior year of high school. My family and I were all gathered around our Christmas tree, and taking turns exploring our stockings and opening presents. The pile of presents had finally disappeared. As we all sat and talked about the great gifts we got my Dad said, “Wait, I think there is a couple more behind the tree…”
My Dad got up and poked around behind the tree and finally came out carrying 3 small gift bags, and handed one to each of us. Then he grabbed the video camera. In our family whenever our parents bust out any sort of camera when we are opening presents typically it means it is a big present and they want to capture our reactions. So we all knew this was going to be a good gift, we just didn’t know how good!
My parents told us we all had to open them at the same time. We all sat anxiously looking at each other thinking “should we start now?” I started ripping open the tissue paper and my brother and sister followed. What did we find inside? A plastic Hawaiian lei… We all looked at each other with a perplexed look on our faces, and turned to my parents, who had huge grins on their faces. I asked them jokingly, “Are we going to Hawaii?” All my mom and dad had to do was smile a little bigger and nod. My sister started jumping up and down in excitement. My brother sat silent in disbelief. And I have never been able to live down my reaction, remember the video camera? I jumped up and down and shouted, “I’m going to be tan for prom!”
I’m not convinced this is how I want to end it, I feel like I need more of a conclusion…What do you think? Do I need more of a conclusion?
I actually like the conclusion. I think it is witty and doesn't add unnecessary information. What a wonderful gift - there must be some great memories from that. You could make a really cool book with photos, just about your trip!
ReplyDeleteI think it ends great! It was really what happened. I guess if you wanted to, you could talk a little about the trip and if you were actually tan for prom. I think if you did add this part, it might be too much information. Sorry, I know I keep going back an forth. I say, leave it the way it is! It ends on a funny note and if the readers really know you, they will know that this is something you would have said and left it at that.
ReplyDeleteGreat story. I would keep the last sentence as the conclusion for sure - its a fun way to end. Could you slow this story down some to really make the reader anticipate even more - we all know about those christmas presents we wait and wait for. Like .....we looked at each other and then we felt in our bags something plastic, as we pulled it out it was a long plastic....lay!
ReplyDeleteI think that you could leave it the way it is but you could do a cliff hanger as well like TV shows or movies sometimes do.. Something along the line of "the memories of that trip will never be forgotten like when...........But that is another story." Give them a tidbit and then stop. I do not know what that could be for your story tho......
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